I've been trying to work out why the question of "Did you want to go anywhere today?" was bugging me as much as it was.
I work away from home, and I was lucky enough to be granted a small break over Easter, where I visited my parents in a different state, and spent most of the week lounging around their house and garden, conversing, watching TV, playing with my nephew and drinking beers.
Multiple times per day, I'd be hit with the above question by one of my family members, and I found myself getting frustrated in trying to answer it. "I dont mind" was mostly all that I could muster, which made me feel bad, because now they were straining to think of places that I might like to go to, and throwing out suggestions. As I genuinely didn't mind, any option was good enough, which meant that my enthusiasm (or lack thereof) failed to highlight any particular suggestion, spurring them to dig deeper and think harder about potential options and places. The whole ordeal took away from what I was hoping to do, which was to just spend time with my family.
It wasn't that I didn't want to go anywhere, I tried to explain. It's that I dont want to go anywhere in particular just because I'm here.
Imagine that I've just got home from work, I tried. I've just walked in on a normal day. What expectation would there be of me to have an itinerary in mind and a plan of action? But of course, despite how I felt, I know that I hadn't just walked in from a normal day of work. I had been away, and my family were only trying to be accommodating by offering to take me places and help me maximise the time that I had while I was home. I appreciated it, of course, but I also couldn't help but be curious about what I was feeling.
One place that I have loved visiting in the past is Thailand, and I have flown, walked, driven or caught a train over much of it. In the areas near the airports, there are naturally more tourists, and the local businesses have adapted slightly to how tourists do things - and especially how tourists like their food. There's a question that I sometimes find myself confronted with in these areas that I could never quite answer, to the point where I would just frustrate myself whenever I tried.
"Spicy, or no spicy?"
Framed as a simple question and enhanced by the extreme language barrier, this question is the start of a losing battle.
My answer, of course, is neither.
If I say spicy, their eyes light up as the challenge is accepted. I know I'm in for a world of hurt as extra chillis are added for the man who likes spice. However, if I say not spicy, the dish comes out relatively bland, or simply missing part of what makes that dish, that dish. Either way, and most significantly, the dish is edited from how it is meant to be prepared and enjoyed, based on my input. But I dont want to pretend to know how to make Thai food better than Thai people.
What I want is the dish, made how it's made. If that means it's spicy, then so be it. I'd otherwise not ask for spice where there's meant to be none, nor ask for no spice, where spice is meant to be.
By specifying spicy or not spicy, I'm altering the dish either way. And hey, if the dish is too hot for me to handle, then it's too hot for me to handle. That's the experience of travel.
I believe that this sentiment relates to my feelings when I visit home after working away for so long. It's hard to articulate, especially when an answer is expected to be short and on the fly, but when the question is "do you want to go out or not?" the answer really is neither.
- Aluca Sol 